Ich mag bash.org. Mag sein, dass der Großteil der Zitate aus Chats ziemlich niveauloser Blödsinn ist, aber ab und an findet man auch kleine Glanzstücke:

malagmyr: This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
malagmyr: “In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.”
malagmyr: “However,” the professor continued, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
malagmyr: Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: “Yeah….. right….”

Quelle

1. Before asking someone’s age, you ask what animal they are.
2. You start picking at other people’s dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
3. You don’t have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live.
4. It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan, and they sell right outside your house anyway.
5. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
6. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
7. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
8. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
9. You talk louder than is necessary.
10. You prefer using chopsticks.
11. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
12. You no longer notice the hooting on the streets.
13. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
14. Your body no longer needs dairy products.
15. You start to enjoy the taste of bai jiu.
16. You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
17. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
18. You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.
19. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
20. You go to the local shop in pyjamas.
21. You see some real cleavage and think WOW!
22. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can’t read Chinese.
23. Pollution, what pollution?
24. You think squat toilets are more sensible.
25. You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.
26. You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
27. You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.
28. You develop a liking for corn flavoured ice cream.
29. When you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.
30. You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”.
31. Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
32. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
33. “Squid” sounds better than “steak”.
34. There are more things strapped to your cycle than you ever put in a car.
35. Firecrackers don’t wake you up.
36. You don’t mind when your date picks his/her nose in public.
37. You (male) wear white socks with your business suits.
38. You (female) wear socks over your pantyhose in summer.
39. Forks feel funny.
40. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
41. You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
42. You think of ‘salad’ as diced apples in mayonnaise.
43. You don’t recognise a bowl of chicken soup unless there’s feet and a head in it.
44. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
45. (men) And you roll your shirt up to your nipples.
46. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
47. You smoke in crowded elevators.
48. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
49. You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
50. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
51. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
52. You always get a seat on a bus.
53. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
54. You cannot say “Call me.” without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
55. You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.

Thx Andrej (hab’s ein wenig gekürzt)

Jaja, der schlechte Einfluss von Computer-Spielen auf die heutige Jugend…